How To Become Confident- An In Depth Guide𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝⭒˚｡⋆
Confidence: The feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something. In relation to oneself, confidence is having a strong belief (or faith) in yourself and your abilities.
Who wouldn’t want that? Who wouldn’t want to feel like they can take on the world 24/7 and not have doubt in themselves? Hey! I have an idea, why don’t we just all be confident? This would solve so many problems, wont it? The problem is how to become confident….
It sometimes feels impossible to become confident/radiate confidence, especially when you always feel insecure, anxious, you overthink, you second guess and so much more. Well, worry not I’m here to tell you it’s okay to feel like that because becoming confident is not hard at all.
In this post I’ll break down how to build real confidence. First off to start we need to understand why we lack confidence.
⭒ㅤ𓈒ㅤׂ 🫧WHY YOU LACK CONFIDENCE 𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𓇼 ࣪ 𓈒ㅤׂㅤ⭒
𓆡 ⭒ㅤ
Here are a few reasons why you may lack confidence:
1.Toxic comparison ˚˖𓍢ִ໋🐚˚
-One of the major killers of confidence is comparison. Whether its success, achievements, looks, personality, relationships, if you comparing yourself to somebody else, you’re killing your confidence.
2. Lack of boundaries ˚˖𓍢ִ໋🐚˚
-When you have no boundaries or you don’t re-enforce the boundaries you have, people will walk all over you and put you down. Obviously, this will deplete your confidence like crazy.
3. Your environment ˚˖𓍢ִ໋🐚˚
– When your surrounded by people who are constantly negative and never have anything good to say about you or anything in general, you will start to believe them. A fun fact is that, you tend to pick up the behaviours and belief of those you surround yourself with.
4.Physical appearance ˚˖𓍢ִ໋🐚˚
-When you don’t take care of yourself and your appearance your confidence takes a toll. You tend to feel more insecure and unworthy when you don’t look your best.
5.Caring too much ˚˖𓍢ִ໋🐚˚
-When you care too much about other people’s opinions about you and what you do or say, you will end up becoming insecure and shying away from doing things you actually want to do or saying things you want to sat etc
6. You lack proof ˚˖𓍢ִ໋🐚˚
-The reason you don’t believe that you don’t have what it takes to do something or take on new challenges and opportunities is that you lack proof. Confidence comes form an undeniable stack proof that you can be or are successful in a certain area.
Now that you may know why you lack confidence, the next step is to find a solution to your problem. Our next section is:
HOW TO BUILD REAL CONFIDENCE
- Speak kindly to yourself ˚.⋆𓂃𓊝
-You need to be kind towards yourself and speak kindly to yourself. Your words carry soooo much weight and you need to understand that. Your words form your reality and your mindset determines your outcome. If you are constantly speaking negatively about yourself and can never say anything positive about yourself you will start to believe it. This is because you will start to focus on things and do things that reaffirm this negative belief you’ve instilled in yourself. So, for example if you always say you’re not smart, you will end up finding ways to reaffirm this belief such as not studying as you believe no matter how hard or how long you study you will fail because you are not ‘‘smart’’. So, you have to always speak positively about yourself. Also make it a habit to tell yourself positive affirmations daily. It will positively impact you and make it easier to notice all the little and precious things life offers each day.
-Another habit to develop is to praise yourself every time you look in the mirror. Compliment the hell out of yourself because you deserve it!
2. No one truly cares ˚.⋆𓂃𓊝
– A big concept I don’t think some people do not understand is that no one truly cares about you as much as you think they do. Yeah, I know it seems that people are always watching so you have to be careful to not act weird cause they will remember that for a while and all that. But the thing is like yeah you might act a certain way and people laugh and talk about it then they go home and they continue on with their lives. Everyone is too invested in their own life to be constantly focused on you and what you do with your life.
-Since we know that you really are not that important to others why do you care so much about their opinions about you? Why do we feel embarrassment? Embarrassment is really a weird concept when you sit down and really think about it. It’s really just irrelevant so my advice to you is as simple as this…stop being embarrassed. Let people see you being weird, let them think what they want about you it doesn’t matter. Do what YOU want to do without regards to other people, after all it’s your life, why live it trying to appeal to others?
3. Be Authentic ˚.⋆𓂃𓊝
-It truly is your own life to live so do it as your true self. Why hide who you are and change yourself to fit into the standards of others? There is truly no reason to kill the real you and be boring. Do not ever try playing a character. When you are authentic to yourself you will radiate at such a confidence level. Be yourself so unapologetically you end up raising the bar on everyone else. A benefit of being your authentic self is, you attract people who are genuinely meant for you. If you are not authentic you will also attract people who are not authentic because the energy you’re radiating. Don’t care if by being your authentic self you aren’t liked by everyone. Why strive to be liked by everyone when you don’t even like everyone yourself?
4. Stop toxic comparison ˚.⋆𓂃𓊝
-Comparison kills confidence. In all aspects, comparing yourself to someone else kills what makes you, you. It kills what makes you unique. When you constantly comparing yourself to someone else you will always fall short because you are not that person. Your journey is completely different to theirs so how can you compare them? Confidence means accepting yourself relentlessly, even when you’re not looking your best or feeling your best or even doing your best. Instead, learn to look at others for inspiration. This is way healthier and it helps you admire what others have and work hard to make the same thing your own. Also never forget, the only person you should be in competition in with is who you were yesterday.
5. Body Language ˚.⋆𓂃𓊝
-Body language is such a huge thing that people don’t take into regard, though you should. Take time to learn about body language, it is so important in so many areas apart from building confidence. Though in relation to confidence, body language helps radiate a high level of confidence for example your posture. You radiate more confidence if you sit up right rather that if you were to slouch. Learn what makes you seem more unapproachable e.g crossing your arms and avoid it. Also, we can’t just forget about hand gestures. This is another thing we tend to not pay much attention to though hand gestures are very key. Hand gesture help in passing your message better and enhance understanding. We don’t pay attention to this much but I want you to think back to anytime someone was explaining something with hand gestures, wasn’t it easier to understand what they were saying compared to if they did use them? Research also shows that people are less likely to trust you if they cannot see your hands as your brain associates hand gestures to intention and honesty.
6.Physical appearance ˚.⋆𓂃𓊝
-Your physical appearance plays a huge part in whether or not you’re confident. Personally, I don’t feel very confident when I go out and I didn’t have enough time to put effort into my physical appearance and I’m sure you can agree you feel the same. So, it’s very important to always put effort into your looks, take time picking an outfit you love, do your skincare routine and all hygienic practices, do your makeup nice if you wear makeup etc. Just do everything that will make you feel like you’re a model and the world is your runway when you leave the house.
7. Know your boundaries ˚.⋆𓂃𓊝
-Know your boundaries and re-enforce them constantly. Know your non-negotiables and make sure you stand by them. You should never let anyone cross your boundaries regardless of who they are, how they may react and how it may affect your relationship with them. Never compromise your boundaries to be liked by others. If you don’t want to do something, say no, learn to say no. For some reason unbeknownst to me, most people take a huge offence to being told no. They try everything to make you say yes instead, ask you ‘why not?’ and millions of others, try bring up past situations where they said yes to something you asked of them and the latter. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not wrong to ask why someone has said no, what’s not okay is pestering someone once they have given you a reason and trying to forcibly make them change their mind.
This is a major reason why some people are afraid of saying no, they think they might hurt the other persons feelings. That doesn’t matter if you really do not want to do something and you have a valid reason to why you are saying no. No matter how persistent the other person is, if their request crosses your boundaries just refuse. If you can’t say no and stand by your boundaries, people will take advantage of you and will walk all over you which in turn will lower your confidence big time. Confidence is understanding how you treat yourself sets the bar for how others are going to treat you so you better set that bar real high.
8. Do not laugh at “jokes” at your own expense ˚.⋆𓂃𓊝
-Never laugh at a “joke” where you are the butt of it. Why would you laugh with people who are making fun of you? You need to take yourself seriously, you need to understand it’s not funny at all. And as a result of these they may say, ‘you’re so uptight, you can’t even take a joke’. There is a very big difference between a “joke” and pure disrespect and this is disrespect, so yeah you can’t take a ‘joke’ and you won’t take it. If you continuously take the joke eventually it will stop being a joke and they will start meaning what they say. And you will start to believe it too and we don’t want that at all because this will take a toll on your confidence. When you take a joke at your own expense people start to see that they can disrespect you and you will just laugh with them.
9.Keep the promises you make to yourself ˚.⋆𓂃𓊝
-We all make promises to ourselves, right? They could be big promises like you promise yourself that you will pass you finals or small ones like you will organize your room. No matter how big or small the promises you make, make sure you always follow through with them. You can start with the smaller promises as you work up towards the bigger ones. This is all about keeping a track record of following through with the promises you make to yourself. As a result of this you will start to trust and believe yourself because after all, this track record is proof of all the times you have come through for yourself. If you know you have what it takes to achieve something small you will start to believe that you have what it takes to achieve big things too. And that’s what confidence is right?
You will make yourself habitually disappointed if you can’t even keep the promises you make to yourself. So, make it a habit to always follow through with the promises you make to yourself.
10.Make friends you would want to be like ｡𖦹˚.🪼₊ ๋࣭ ⭑
-Surround yourself with people who inspire you to be better, to do better. Make friends who are confident and who you can learn from. It is very important to have a group of friends where everyone benefits off each other in one way or another, where everyone is growing. Befriend people you would look up to and whose advice would benefit you.
12.Rejection and failure ｡𖦹˚.🪼₊ ๋࣭ ⭑
-Rejection and failure, two of the biggest confidence and esteem killers out there in my opinion. But to become your most confident self you need to learn to accept both failure and rejection. Yeah, it’s scary and its uncomfortable but we can’t let them hold us back from things we really want to do and from trying things we want to try. In the rejection sector, there’s this concept called rejection therapy, its where people put themselves in situations where they might get rejected to become okay with it. It really is such an interesting concept that we should all try out even if it’s on a smaller scale that what you may see.
12. Start talking to random people ｡𖦹˚.🪼₊ ๋࣭ ⭑
-In relation to the rejection concept, try talking to strangers. It doesn’t have to be anything deep just small talk about anything or a compliment will do. The whole point of this is to get out of your comfort zone, to try something new. Truly no matter what happens, the likeliness of you ever crossing paths with this individual ever again are really low so why not go for it? You never know, you may even make their day a little better.
13. Do hard things on purpose ｡𖦹˚.🪼₊ ๋࣭ ⭑
-Confidence is not built in comfort, so you need to learn to be uncomfortable. Try doing things you find hard, get out of your comfort zone. When you do so, it shows you aren’t afraid about being uncomfortable and you’re willing to push yourself in order to reach your true potential, that you have what it takes to achieve something big. It’s not about not being scared, nervous, anxious because these are natural responses we as human experience when we to something new and get out of our comfort zone.
These are my tips for building real confidence. Try implementing the little lessons and tips I’ve mentioned and you will start to see a huge difference over time, I promise.
˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞⋆˚࿔
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